MalStruck

Struck by some kind of melancholy after a few days of happiness. It's tough, as you all well know. I hate how people don't like to talk about how hard it is to live- people are afraid to stare into the darkness and talk it through, they think it makes them weak maybe. But I get even sadder at the thought of not being able to converse about it. And therapists? Please. Seems like mental prostitution. Not that I'm against prostitution, just that I don't practice it.

The end of summer rains have settled in and I think my entire being is in shock at the thought of the summer being over. We still have hot days peppered in here and there, but there's been some grey grey skies lately. I've come to realize that my favorite days are fluffy clouds, blue skies, mid to low 70's, low humidity. Those are the days where I can just laze about and enjoy the world to its fullest and not feel like there's things to get done. Around here, those days are about 30 per year. The worst is when I work on those days- I can watch them drifting by through the windows.

What the hell has been going on in my life? I'm getting revved up for school in a few weeks, trying to splash through all of my math classes and get on to the heady stuff. Dusting off the old calculus skills, kind of excited about a statistical analysis class (I know, I'm a nerd). Been reading almost nothing but engineering books, books on science and math, Buckminster Fuller, quantum mechanics books. What the hell is going on with me? It's pretty crazy. I can feel Calvino, Borges, Mann, Gogol, Dostoeveky, etc. all peering at me from the genius table, shaking their heads and mumbling about losing a promising son. In fact, I think I'll dust off my Gogol books and chomp into them a bit for a goddamned laugh. The man was insanely genius and I highly recommend him to everyone. The Coat and The Nose are two obvious beginning spots, but check out Dead Souls for a hell of a ride. Funny and dark in ways you've never imagined. I also have a book of his horror stories- they give me goosebumps and they are out of this world! And this guy died in 1852! He was far far ahead of his time.

Wow, even just thinking about wonderful stories has lifted my spirits. Maybe I should get the hell off the radiation box and go read a great book... bye!